On TOP of the World!

"To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with." 

-Mark Twain

Happy is an understatement. Joyful beyond belief would be putting it mildly. Butterflies that sit permanently in the pit of your stomach and an enormous smile on display for the entire world to see. Imagine the most blissful feeling you have ever felt, and multiply it by one hundred . . . I feel this every single day. It sounds insane, I know, and I never imagined I would be lucky enough to have someone in my life that makes me feel so upbeat and carefree all the time. I feel like I'm one-in-a-million in his eyes, like there are no other girls even in existence.

I met Dustin when I started working at Down Under Pub in May, and there was always something about him that drew me to him. I always enjoyed his company as a friend, and I never would have imagined that dating him would be this incredible. After our first night out together, I knew there was a spark. There was a chemistry I couldn't explain . . . to this day I still can't form words to describe what has formed between us. Meant to be? Yes. Soul Mates? Absolutely. I never in a million years dreamed I would be able to say that about someone and feel like it was the God's-honest, 100% truth.

I moved into Dustin's house on Monday, and I know this is the beginning of something great. I love waking up with him right there, I love coming home to "Hey Baby!" and a big hug, I love his comforting back rubs and kisses when I'm worn out from a long day. He is wonderful . . . so good to me, and I can only hope he feels even a fraction of the love that I feel for him.

Could my life possibly get any better?

The Most Outrageous Family You Have Ever Met...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' Jeff Foxworthy
HA! This is too funny, because I can definitely relate that to my family. We are a bunch of nutcases... seriously. You know it's bad when you go apply for a job and the interviewer says "Oh.... you're a STRENGER?!" Greeeeeeat. Which of my uncles ruined it for me this time? 
I talk about my family like they are wild and crazy (which to some extent, they are) but they are also the most loving, caring, selfless people I have ever met. For instance, my uncle Greg, who I can definitely call my best friend, has literally dropped everything to help me out since I have moved back home. Fixed my car, bought me clothes for job interviews, taken me to dinner when there were no groceries at my house, bought me a gym membership, put gas in my car... you name it, he's done it. Brett has loaned me money to go on a mission trip to Mexico before when nobody else would even participate in the fund raiser! And when I say loaned, I mean he paid for the ENTIRE THING. I love my family to death and would do anything for them.
Recently, Greg has been helping me try to get a job at his office. They are in desperate need of an office manager and he submitted my resume to them. Of course, I have no office experience, but by some stroke of a miracle, they have called me in for a few interviews. Fingers crossed that I will hear something back this week! I would LOVE to get out of the food industry!! :)

Blindsighted.

You never think you will have to take a phone call like the one I took Friday afternoon. You never think, "Oh, someday someone is going to call me and tell me my mother has breast cancer." Obviously, I am not delusional. I know things like this happen everyday, but when it actually hits you, it hits HARD.

My grandmother had breast cancer and I was devastated, but is it weird to say that it hurts more when it's your own mother? There are so many questions spinning around in my head. Why her? She gets mammograms every single year, for goodness sake! What will happen if she doesn't get the same results as my grandmother (who survived and is completely cancer-free)? What will I do if I lose her...

She is my best friend.

She has an appointment tomorrow for a second opinion. I can't stress how hard I am praying that they were wrong. Those black spots on the last scan were a mistake. The previous doctors had no idea what they were talking about. Praying for a miracle.

For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you will notice that I am no longer there. I have deleted my account because I am not prepared to field a thousand questions about my mother. If you have my number, feel free to text me. I would appreciate your prayers.

LOTS of prayers.

Kitchen Deprived...

I MISS COOKING. It has been precisely three weeks since I have been behind a stove and I am about to lose my mind. I've been so busy working that I haven't had the time or energy to devote into making a meal and that breaks my heart. I love to cook, and this is like a drug withdrawal. If anyone would like to open up their kitchen for me to come cook at 11:00 pm when I get off work, please let me know :)

The first thing I ever attempted to cook on my own was in high school... I was making chicken alfredo for my boyfriend at the time and I royally messed it up. I was in such a rush to finish because of his nagging, that the chicken was still slightly pink in the middle and the noodles were not quite finished. The sauce, however, was excellent.... because it was pre-made. Needless to say, our movie date turned into a sick mess. I have bettered my cooking abilities over time, and now I hardly even use recipe cards more than once. I love that I can easily remember what was in something even on just the second time making it. Mongolian beef, stuffed chicken rolls, southwestern eggrolls, italian soup, pork and shrimp lumpias, chicken cordon bleu... I could go on forever with my favorites...

On that note, I am looking for new recipes to try out. I have the same four or five that are my favorites, and it's hard for me to not repeat. I like to try and recreate my favorite things from restaurants, so any ideas would be greatly appreciated :) I have gotten pretty good at the Chili's Southwestern Eggrolls. I am moving back to Plano and in with my Dad in a couple weeks, and I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to test out some new things... home boy will eat anything.

Weirdo...

‎"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss


I LOVE THIS. I am one of the biggest "weirdos" I know and hopefully I can find someone of equal weirdness to fit with me. When I saw the quote, it made me think of my everyday little routines that seem like nothing to me, but may seem unusual to others... like the fact that I love to put ketchup in my mac-n-cheese. Who wants to date somebody that puts ketchup in their easy mac? Or the fact that I MUST have a glass of water beside my bed because I frequently wake up in the middle of the night in desperate need of it. Or that I have a strict "routine" when I'm showering... face wash, shampoo, conditioner, body wash. In that order. Every time. Or that I hate wearing socks unless I'm wearing shoes that need socks. Or that I frequently catch myself bawling in Disney movies. Let's face it- I could go on forever. I'm a very weird person. I need another weirdo to call mine.

Well, THAT'S awkward...

Embarrassing moments... I have plenty of them. Especially lately. It seems like bad luck has followed me around like a sad puppy for the past week, and the "Oh dear lord, that did NOT just happen" type of situations have been abundant. 

Thursday, I slipped on a wet spot on the floor at work... this was no ordinary fall. No, I didn't spill anything I was carrying (Duh! Don't you know me?!) but what happened was far more devastating. I ripped my pants. And not your ordinary little split. Hello customers, would you like to see my rear?? 

Told ya. Yowza.

Today, while doing my normal run on the Lunsford Trail around ACU, I was daydreaming about something and completely forgot what I was doing. Not paying attention, I ran smack into a guy about my age who was running towards me. He was quite a bit bigger than me, but the force of me running full speed knocked him to the ground. How unbelievably embarrassing is it to be a girl apologizing to a guy for knocking him over? Do I make a joke about it? "Oh excuse me, little boy. Seems my muscles and brute force seem to completely overpower yours! See you later!" I stood there looking like a complete fool while I managed to force the only two words I could think of out of my mouth- "My bad..."

Apart from those major incidences, there have been the minor awkward moments. Open mouth, insert foot-type comments seem to be my thing lately, especially yesterday. Luckily, knocking over the man on the trail has been my only misfortune for the day... and hopefully it stays that way!

The Ol' Singin' Days...

Sitting bored in my room today, I began to reminisce on my old performing days. In high school, my best friend Shelly Kennedy and I used to sing in country music shows almost every Saturday at the Wylie Opry. While I have never been completely thrilled with country music and its, for the most part, "I lost my girlfriend/dog/truck" repetitiveness, there were a few women artists whom I loved... usually for the fact that I loved their don't-care-'bout-nothin' attitudes and aspired to live my life in a carefree way as well.
Basically, this whole "show" was done in a little building in downtown Wylie, Texas. It was local performers who would sing with a band in front of a mostly over the age of 60, mostly blue-haired, audience and make a fair amount of money in tips while doing so. The first time Shelly and I ever watched one of the shows, there was a woman performing who almost made me turn around and run in the other direction. She was probably in her late 40's, early 50's, dressed in a long black muumuu-type dress, with frizzy, poorly dyed hair all array, and belting her heart out to an older Shania Twain song. Poor woman couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. The thought soon crossed my mind that this woman probably thought she was a good singer, just like I had always thought of myself to be. Contrary to this woman's assumed thoughts, the crowd formed their own opinion.... opinions which Shelly and I could hear being spoken aloud behind us.
"That poor woman. She must not be able to hear herself."
"Obviously. I'm going to tip her just because I feel bad."
"Yeah. Me too. Maybe we can pay her to get off the stage."
The next weekend, when Shelly and I were to sing in our first official Wylie Opry performance, that woman crossed my mind. Right as I was about to nervously force myself onto the small, hot stage, I realized I may not be able to sing as great as I've always thought I could. What if the crowd starts whispering about me? What if my tips are pity tips?! Unfortunately, there was no backing out now...
"And now one of our new first-timers! Please welcome to the stage, Taylor Strenger!"
Damn.
I don't remember at all what happened after I came out from behind the curtain, but Shelly's family showed me the video. I walked out with the most pained expression on my face, looking like a cross between nauseousness and squinting. What came next surprised me, and I wish I could remember what I was thinking. The band starts up, and my face completely changes. It was as if someone flipped a switch in my brain and I owned that stage. Belting out a less-twangy version of Miranda Lambert's "Kerosene", it looked like that person on the stage had been doing this her entire life. I could barely make the connection that it was me.
I do remember, however, when my songs were over and it was time for me to leave the stage, I collected my tips and walked backstage. If these were pity tips, they must have felt EXTREMELY sorry for me. I couldn't understand how people were so generous and all I did was enjoy myself (maybe?) onstage. Shelly had the same reaction. She was amazing, as always, and we sat backstage after the show gushing about how much we felt like celebrities. I loved those Saturday nights with her and I wish there was a way to re-live that. Coming to Abilene, there isn't anything like that... save from karaoke at the bars. No thank you.
Really, I was just thinking that if I had as much confidence about myself like I did in that video of my first time onstage, my life would be easy. I would kill to remember that moment and learn whatever was going on in my mind that night. Doing those shows always made me so happy, and the faded pictures from those days still adorn my walls. If only...

WHY ME?!

What a weekend. I've had bad days before, but this was almost more than I could bear. That whole "bad things come in threes" bit? I'm currently waiting on the third plague to hit. If you know me, you know that my boyfriend and I went our separate ways Saturday evening. Monday morning, I was let go from one of my jobs. What's next?
The way I see it, this is a change for the better. I have always anxiously awaited the day that I could go back to Dallas and live closer to my family. This whole "country" thing is not my style. I am a city girl through and through, the only thing I really enjoy as far as the city of Abilene goes, is fishing- without having to touch the fish, of course. I mean come on, gross. I have my friends whom I will miss dearly, but have extended the invitation to come visit and stay with me whenever they, too, needed a break from the nothingness of Taylor County. 
As far as the breakup goes, I will survive. I am amazed at my strength, considering the fact that I had previously predicted a nasty meltdown. I am still somber, yet I know there is something bigger and better waiting for me out there. I saw this quote today and it inspired a whole new feeling for me:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
I know what I want in life and I know there is someone out there that wants the same. It's a simple request: LOVE ME. I am known for pouring my everything into a relationship and loving with all I have. I just want someone who will do the same for me. My mom says the best relationships are always right there under your nose where you would be least likely to look. So here I sit, ready for the next adventure in my life. Taking it slow, but anticipating the day when I meet my perfect match.


He IS out there, right?? ;)

oh, to be four years old again...

I recently read a book called "Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo. It's the true story of his four year old son who was stricken with appendicitis and had emergency surgery to remove his appendix and clean out his insides from the damage of the rupture. During surgery, Colton (the four year old) claims to have left his body and visited Heaven, bringing back colorful pictures of what he saw and who he met along his journey. The story is very inspiring, and the claims he made really rock you to the core. It's a true story, and the author can honestly back that up. How many four year olds know what their father's father looked like when he was in his youth? Colton does, because he met "Pop" while he was in heaven.

The quote that stood out to me the most in the book was this;

"What is childlike humility? It's not the lack of intelligence, but the lack of guile. The lack of an agenda. It's that precious, fleeting time before we have accumulated enough pride or position to care what other people might think. The same un-self-conscious honesty that enables a three-year-old to splash joyfully in a rain puddle, or tumble laughing in the grass with a puppy, or point out loudly that you have a booger hanging out of your nose, is what is required to enter heaven. It is the opposite of ignorance- it is intellectual honesty: to be willing to accept reality and to call things what they are even when it is hard."

I really wish I could go back to my childhood and return as an adult with that same honesty. All too often I find myself worrying about what others think, not fully throwing myself into activities because I am worried about how "stupid I will look". And about that whole "accepting reality" thing... I struggle daily with this one. Whether it's paying my student loans, bills, relationships, health, really anything at all, I have a hard time accepting the reality of the things that I go through. I would love to just put everything on hold and run away for a while, but that's not reality. I can't just have my mom put my friends in timeout when they make me upset and then when they return it's like nothing happened... that childlike honesty and playfulness without regard to others is a dream I would do anything to make a reality.
Really this was a great book. Makes your mind wander and question even deeper your beliefs of heaven and the afterlife and what really is waiting for us "up there". I highly recommend it!

My sisters and I when we were little...

Jenna, Me and Morgan

what? i'm posting? the world must be ending...

I know, I know. It's been a while. Almost a year! I guess I just got tired of reading all my friend's cute blogs and feeling bad for not writing that I finally made myself do it... thanks, Katie :)

I just feel like ranting a little about my car. I had the same one since I very first got a car, and it finally kicked the bucket over christmas break... it was a sad occasion. My dad helped me out and bought me a new one that weekend so that I could get back to work the day I was supposed to. It wasn't new.... just new to me :) It is a 1997 Nissan 200sx and it sounded so fancy over the phone. Nope. Not fancy. Unless you call rolling the window halfway down and then pushing it the rest of the way down "fancy". I had it for a month, and then wham... it won't start. I was told by a coworker that he could fix it, and turns out he couldn't. Now I have to figure out a way to get a mechanic to come to my house and look at it there... which means I will have to pay to tow it to a shop. YIKES. I am too broke for this.

They should make coupons for things like this for college students.