WHY ME?!

What a weekend. I've had bad days before, but this was almost more than I could bear. That whole "bad things come in threes" bit? I'm currently waiting on the third plague to hit. If you know me, you know that my boyfriend and I went our separate ways Saturday evening. Monday morning, I was let go from one of my jobs. What's next?
The way I see it, this is a change for the better. I have always anxiously awaited the day that I could go back to Dallas and live closer to my family. This whole "country" thing is not my style. I am a city girl through and through, the only thing I really enjoy as far as the city of Abilene goes, is fishing- without having to touch the fish, of course. I mean come on, gross. I have my friends whom I will miss dearly, but have extended the invitation to come visit and stay with me whenever they, too, needed a break from the nothingness of Taylor County. 
As far as the breakup goes, I will survive. I am amazed at my strength, considering the fact that I had previously predicted a nasty meltdown. I am still somber, yet I know there is something bigger and better waiting for me out there. I saw this quote today and it inspired a whole new feeling for me:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
I know what I want in life and I know there is someone out there that wants the same. It's a simple request: LOVE ME. I am known for pouring my everything into a relationship and loving with all I have. I just want someone who will do the same for me. My mom says the best relationships are always right there under your nose where you would be least likely to look. So here I sit, ready for the next adventure in my life. Taking it slow, but anticipating the day when I meet my perfect match.


He IS out there, right?? ;)

oh, to be four years old again...

I recently read a book called "Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo. It's the true story of his four year old son who was stricken with appendicitis and had emergency surgery to remove his appendix and clean out his insides from the damage of the rupture. During surgery, Colton (the four year old) claims to have left his body and visited Heaven, bringing back colorful pictures of what he saw and who he met along his journey. The story is very inspiring, and the claims he made really rock you to the core. It's a true story, and the author can honestly back that up. How many four year olds know what their father's father looked like when he was in his youth? Colton does, because he met "Pop" while he was in heaven.

The quote that stood out to me the most in the book was this;

"What is childlike humility? It's not the lack of intelligence, but the lack of guile. The lack of an agenda. It's that precious, fleeting time before we have accumulated enough pride or position to care what other people might think. The same un-self-conscious honesty that enables a three-year-old to splash joyfully in a rain puddle, or tumble laughing in the grass with a puppy, or point out loudly that you have a booger hanging out of your nose, is what is required to enter heaven. It is the opposite of ignorance- it is intellectual honesty: to be willing to accept reality and to call things what they are even when it is hard."

I really wish I could go back to my childhood and return as an adult with that same honesty. All too often I find myself worrying about what others think, not fully throwing myself into activities because I am worried about how "stupid I will look". And about that whole "accepting reality" thing... I struggle daily with this one. Whether it's paying my student loans, bills, relationships, health, really anything at all, I have a hard time accepting the reality of the things that I go through. I would love to just put everything on hold and run away for a while, but that's not reality. I can't just have my mom put my friends in timeout when they make me upset and then when they return it's like nothing happened... that childlike honesty and playfulness without regard to others is a dream I would do anything to make a reality.
Really this was a great book. Makes your mind wander and question even deeper your beliefs of heaven and the afterlife and what really is waiting for us "up there". I highly recommend it!

My sisters and I when we were little...

Jenna, Me and Morgan

what? i'm posting? the world must be ending...

I know, I know. It's been a while. Almost a year! I guess I just got tired of reading all my friend's cute blogs and feeling bad for not writing that I finally made myself do it... thanks, Katie :)

I just feel like ranting a little about my car. I had the same one since I very first got a car, and it finally kicked the bucket over christmas break... it was a sad occasion. My dad helped me out and bought me a new one that weekend so that I could get back to work the day I was supposed to. It wasn't new.... just new to me :) It is a 1997 Nissan 200sx and it sounded so fancy over the phone. Nope. Not fancy. Unless you call rolling the window halfway down and then pushing it the rest of the way down "fancy". I had it for a month, and then wham... it won't start. I was told by a coworker that he could fix it, and turns out he couldn't. Now I have to figure out a way to get a mechanic to come to my house and look at it there... which means I will have to pay to tow it to a shop. YIKES. I am too broke for this.

They should make coupons for things like this for college students.

the freedom writers

Have you ever seen that movie? Hilary Swank plays a first year english teacher at an inner city school featuring students that are in gangs that are in an all-out gang war among races. Somehow she is able to overcome the troubles she is presented with at first, and turns the kids who could care less about anything educational into a highly successful group of professional young people. In the movie, she puts absolutely everything she has into these kids and they, in turn, give her their absolute all in her class. I was absoluely amazed at the fact that she took these kids who would rather beat the hell out of their rivals and showed them that anything is possible. Just because you come from a dead beat family that has been ripped apart from tragedy and gang activity doesn't mean that you can't surpass expectations and make the impossible possible.

This inspired me incredibly. I always thought that being an elementary teacher would limit the ways I could inspire children and push them to be their best... there are only so many things a child can do, right? I was proven wrong. If I put my all into my career and show each and every child that they are special and they matter to me, maybe I can prevent them from turning into the gang-bangers and "homies" (Haha! Had to say it once!) like in the movie. For goodness sakes! The teacher's husband in the movie told her he wanted a divorce because she spent so much time with her kids and not him! Sacrificing a marriage for children you believe in so strongly- THAT is dedication.

I have to say, even though I went into this movie in a bad mood, (it was required for one of my classes- who has time for that??) I was completely shaken by the events that happened. I never looked at teaching this way. You think you're going to be given a class eager to learn, eager to put their all into education, and eager to please the person giving them all this valuable information... but that's not always the case. Think about having a class where the students only go to school to escape the horrors at home, whose parents force them to sell drugs for extra money, who show you not a single ounce of respect because of the fact that they are never shown respect. I have no idea how I would handle a situation like this, but this movie has definitely opened my eyes and shown me that the world of teaching is not what you expect it to be. You have to roll with what you are given.

(This is the real life Freedom Writers, not the movie people)

finally developed the courage..

I've seen SO MANY girls who have cute blogs and I have always wanted one too. But is my life interesting enough? After thinking about it, I figured that between my crazy family, work, school, and my weirdo boyfriend something might be amusing to someone! :)
Today the Kojie Green Softball Team (team number three out of three, if that explains our skill level...) had our first official game. Yesterday was supposed to be our first game, but only five of us showed up... ha! It was hilarious watching my friends try to swing at the slow pitch coming at them. Not that I'm saying my batting attempts were the best- I struck out during my first at bat... who strikes out in SLOW PITCH!?!? But overall, I have to say I am very satisfied with my decision to play intramural softball. Makes me not feel as bad eating fast food- I can just go "play sports" and "workout" later...
I guess that's all I have right now, not really sure what I'm supposed to be writing about on this thing! I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure!